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[Age of Mouldwarp]  

The Pre-historic Age
MOULDWARP MORATORY

Eaten Out of House and Home

The dinosaurs become extinct when their wooden habitats are eaten by termites, co-conspirators of the cockroaches, who not only want to outlive everything on the planet, but help things along as well.  (11/9/02)

Geeks As Tradition

For the first couple hundred years or so, flintworkers were the geeks of primitive man.  All the cool guys stuck with their clubs and stones, and taunted the flintworkers at each and every opportunity.  It never occurs to those guys that the innovation of the club is the Swiss Army (Thing) of its day as also the previous tool of choice by geeks. (10/19/02)

Language Arrives For Primitive Man

A long time ago, a man walks up to another man.  He's wondering what the other man is doing and language has just been invented, in fact he's about to speak the first sentence.  "What're you doing?"  The other man, who has been sitting with a hammer and chisel in front of a large slab of rock, stops concentrating long enough to say, "I was going to record our manner of communication of grunting for the ages."  But, as grunting is now passé, the other man sets his hammer and chisel down, and one language dies as another is born. (10/4/02)

Meanwhile, At the Accent Auction

The Tower of Babel incident temporarily puts a strain on differences in regional linguistic inflections.  Years of development are put to waste as people suddenly speak different languages, but in the confusion the ancient Briton is said to have gained a sleeper advantage when the first instance of "Bloody Hell!" being stated occurs. (10/7/02)

Before Mowing, There Was Turf War

A patch of grass graces a man's hut.  The man's neighbor sees the patch of grass, and as he does not have his own, he goes over to that man's hut and stomps on the grass, and then the two men tussle for a while.  War had to start somewhere, and so other men join in, on various principles of grass opinion.  (10/19/02)

Redefining Holy Water

The Cult of Aqua is the first major religion, being founded after a man notices that he can see himself in it, and touch the image without touching himself.  The image is fickle, flickering away when he touches it, and so the man assigns it mystical properties.  He brings his friends over, and not only do they see themselves, but they see each other.  It is good.  Ceremonies include the ritual drowning of a duck, which refuses to stay under, adding to the mysticism.  (10/26/02)

Deja Vu Already

A man comes across a stone he figures is shaped weirdly.  But, as everyone's still using stone tools, he takes it anyway and returns home, the stone in a collection of new tools he'll soon implement in some activity or other.  It's not a regular stone; it's been shaped into a rather useful point.  After some time the man suspects that it has been used by someone else as a tool, and so rather than using it as a tool himself or copying the technique for his own tools, he puts it in with his small collection of possessions.  He never gives it anymore thought.  Still, archaeology is born, even if it isn't recognized as such at the time.  (11/8/02)

Deja Vu Again

After declaring, "I'm sick of making history, I want to repeat it!" a man repeats the grass warfare incident, thus inaugurating an institution.  (11/9/02)  

Stinking Rich

The world's first major collective, the Empire of Turd, ends not long after the subjects of Lord Turd realize they've been following someone who has a large collection of elephant dung.  It begins to dawn on people that the economy should be running on something less smelly, and perhaps more shiny.  I believe the idea catches on rather quickly.  (12/02/02)

That Glazed Look

During the onset of the Ice Age, a man turns to his mate inside their lodging and insists he'll go hunting later, that the outside weather is fleeting.  When the local wildlife begins to freeze and generally cease to exist, the man is forced to admit his mistake (not out loud) and go in search of game elsewhere.  This is why some yokels crossed the Bering Strait.  (2/4/03)

views expressed here are obviously only that of Sean "Waterloo" McKenna,
so whether you agree with them or not, they're his and © copyrighted  2002-2003